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Who am I? What makes me unique? Where am I going in life? Am I comfortable with myself? Solitude is a chance to learn something about yourself. Self-discovery is a process that involves asking and answering the questions above.
Solitude also provides an opportunity for perspective. When you’re caught up in the hassles of day-to-day life, all you can see is what’s directly in front of you – the problem of the moment. If you want to see and appreciate the big picture of what your life’s all about, you have to step back and get a bird’s-eye view – and that’s exactly what solitude allows you to do.
Taking time for yourself is often viewed as selfish and uproductive. Solitude is also uncomortable for many people because they’ve learned to derive their self-esteem from activities initiated by their “other selves” – that is, their efforts to satisfy themselves by satisfying others. But there are important benefits that come from spending time with your “personal self”, that part of you that doesn’t need other people to be happy…:)
There are four types of support between people:
1. Emotional support – the “I’m here for you no matter what” kind of support.
2. Informational support – information, guidance, and advice what to do or how to handle situations.
3. Tangible support – helping someone financially, offering a ride, help moving to another house etc.
4. Appraisal support – you need somone to give you honest, frank, constructive feedback about yourself
You need them ALL but you also may find yourself at a point in life where you have no one to confide in – no one to talk to about the important things that are going on in your life, to assist you in overcoming obstacles, or to simply “give you a voice”. If so, you need to begin reaching out…begin by talking to a Life Coach…begin by contacting me. To find out more about a free consultation get in touch with me 
On my way over to Sweden I took the time to study some of my passengers prior to embarking on the plane and during the flight itself. The fear of flying takes a lot of different forms – but can you actually spot a nervous person by just observing their physical behavior? Maybe. But if you would ask each one of the passengers what that person is afraid of, you may be surprised to hear that the calmest, “coolest” passenger is the one who is the most afraid…
….and when asking that person what he/she is afraid of, the answer usually is “I don’t know” or “I’m not sure”. Fear is a skeptical feeling like in a horror movie. You just think something bad is going to happen, and you sit on the edge of your seat and wait for the unknown.
Change brings unknowns with it. Managing change is the art of breaking down unknowns into predictable and hopeful visions of the future. How far you can go is as far as you can see. When you become blind with fear, you can’t go anywhere. Through self-accountability, we take on self-awareness, and move forward through self-improvement.
So, going back to the fear of flying – and not knowing exactly what the person is afraid of – you need to break down the perceived fear into predictable and hopeful visions of the future – of the next 8 hours on an airplane, controlled by skilled pilots who know very well that by being proactive, turning problems into challenges, and through accountability, self-awareness, and self improvement (continued ed), these challenges are transformed into opportunities (to in a case of an emergency, respond by using all the known predictables of the emergency to conquer any perceived fear of the unknown).
So, how do you overcome the fear of flying, heights, making a lifechanging decision or a career change? You simply won’t allow any “barriers” into your life:). You choose to transform the barriers, the challenges, into opportunities to conquer, resolve and build your new life, fearless of the unknown…
Really liked this post by Sister Karol Jackowski and thought you would too! So here are four simple steps to real success – simple, powerful but oooh so important…:)
The Four Simple Steps
We often insist that the outside world reflect something at us that tells us who we are…Whether that comes in the form of success or failure is beside the point. To attempt a meaningful life is to embrace that which can be measured only within ourselves. It’s not the snapshot of ourselves, seen through the lens of someone else. It is rather how we feel about the person staring back at us in the mirror and how we feel about life…
How do we get to that point when we embrace the randomness of life?
If everything were linear and predictable, we’d come to a halt. There would be no creativity or evolution or growth. To live is to weave constantly between the known and unknown. But for a lot of us, the impulse is to hide from that which we don’t understand or can’t answer. We lose our reverence for mystery, and instead choose fear, avoidance, and denial. It’s easier to shut down and close out the unknown rather than enter it with a conscious awareness that we don’t have the answers.
It is frightening to trust ourselves to be creative, to find answers or resources or people who can help…
…but if we can start to embrace the feeling of wonder, openness, and curiosity we can get comfortable exploring the vastness of the unanswered questions.
Leading life in a meaningful way requires embracing the empty spaces, the blanks and vastness. Living in the gap, we find ourselves and the meaning of life
Lots have been said by a lot of people over the years about relationships. There are as many opinions about what a good relationship is and what makes it work as there are fishes in the ocean
One thing they all agree upon is that beginning a relationship is easy – sticking to it and making it work over time takes a lot more effort. The relationship edge…are you on it, in it, or over it?
The edges we are talking about are edges, or levels, past which you will not go: tolerance levels, social levels, philosophical levels, and business levels. If someone tries to go past your edge, your tolerance level, you, in som manner, rebuff or deny them. Maybe even dismiss them.
Your compatibility for and with the other person’s edges, combined with your acceptance of the other person’s edges, will determine how the relationship grows or dies.
There are also ethical edges, like your acceptance level for lying, hiding the truth or abusing the trust you placed in the person. Let’s discuss trust for a second – Trust is not a request. Trust is earned. Trust is not spoken. Trust is a feeling.
And then there are emotional edges – how someone reacts when something goes wrong, or how someone responds to an argument and how you feel about their reaction.
You can tolerate almost anything for a short space of time. But each time someone goes over your edge, you become less and less tolerant, either verbally or silently.
TRUST is THE critical element. It’s the glue that binds all the other elements together. Without it, the relationship will fade, diminish, or die.
So, in order to stay succesful in a relationship, personal or business, to make it possible for a relationship of trust to blossom, you must master the following elements of trust:
* Tell the truth
* Deliver what you promise
* Do what you say you will do
* Communicate in a timely manner
* Bring value beyond what you have to do – help others be more succesful
* Be sincere
* Be appreciative
* Be grateful
* Be consistent
* Give trust to others
Easy? No. But consistently trying, working on mastering the elements of trust and be compatible for and with the other persons’s edges, will determine how succesful you are
“Life is like a combination lock; your job is to find the right numbers, in the right order, so you can have anything you want.” – Brian Tracy
This morning I’m back in New York City again, the city that never sleeps but also the city with a touch of fresh air. Fresh air you say!? Well, today is actually Earth Day and I guess you could argue that the New York city air is far from “fresh”…may be, but although not clean, it certainly feels refreshing and inspirational to be around people with “fresh” ideas, sitting at the classical Caffe Reggio (the home of the “original cappuccino brought to America by Domenico Parisi, the original owner of Caffe Reggio, in 1927) surrounded by students, artists and writers with a feel of being at a street cafe in Montmartre, Paris
Especially in New York City, and any other big cities (like Paris for example), people are constantly searching…searching for what is right for them. Work, relationship, life…Yes, NYC is a jungle and it’s easy to get lost, easy to lose control and easy to get off track. But it’s also a place of opportunities, opportunities to find your way back onto the road you have chosen to travel on – Your Road Map to Success!
Like Brian Tracy said – the combinations are many, your job is to find the right numbers, the ones that work for you. Help, guidance and support is there to be found – you just need to make an effort looking for it and wanting it.
Enjoy Earth Day today and wherever you may be at this moment remember that we are all part of the Circle of Life. So do the best you can today, and every day, to unlock the combination of your lock finding out what’s important to you , in the right order so that you can have anything you want.
For more information how a Life Coach can help, support and guide you on your Road Map To Success, visit www.ThinkLars.com.
In todays WSJ we learn how to communicate when angry – avoid mimicing the bad behavior of shouting and firing back at someone who is doing just that to you.
Instead express yourself in Five Steps;
1. Calm down; take a walk, get some sleep and “cool down’. Ask the other person to talk – say “When is a convenient time?”
2. Acknowledge the difficulty of having this conversation – defuse the other person’s anger and their possibly defensive reaction.
3. Say “I”, not “you”. Don’t say “you did …. wrong”. Say “I felt hurt when you did ….”
4. Find out why. Ask for the other person’s point of view. Really listen to the answer.
5. Say everything. Put it all on the table and talk about how you can change the situation in the future
Good Luck!
The last couple of posts have dealt with choices – a choice how to live your life, with whom, the feelings you choose to have and the thoughts you decide to have about yourself and others. Always keep in mind though that the choices you make affect others, in a positive OR negative way dependent on the attitudes and values of the people around you – spouse, family, friends, co-workers etc. The best possible way of making sure your choices DO NOT send out negative signals is to Let go of the Past…Letting go is the choice to live life in the present – in a positive way – regardless of anything negative that may have occurred in the past.
*Ask yourself to what extent you believe your life now, is affected in any negative way, from things that happened to you in the past? Almost never, Occasionally, or Frequently – and why?
*Ask yourself if you make a determined effort to move forward, and let past negatives go? And what do you do about any negatives that could still be holding you back?
*Ask yourself if you ever see past problems or failures (by the way, you can not fail as long as you decide not to quit trying…) as adequate reasons why you should not succeed now?
*Ask yourself what one negative from your past, if any, you would most like to get past, and move beyond it?
Then find three creative, positive ways to reward yourself – for making the choice to live in the present, and build an incredible future for yourself AND the people around you who may have been innnocent bystanders and targets of your inability of letting go of the past.
“The past cannot be changed. The future is yet in your power.” – Hugh White
Today I’m blogging from New York City and what better back drop than this to remind ourselves that it’s not what happened in the past that should guide us. This is a place that thrives on what’s going on right now and what is yet to come – the possibilities of tomorrow. Viktor Hugo once said “He, who every morning plans the transactions of the day, and follows the plan carries a thread that will guide him through a labyrinth of the most busy life”
Everyone has a future – choose to plan yours. Think about th following when you start the day today and every day:
“If you could do anything now, with the life you have in front of you, what would it be?”
