Life Coaching session at a café.

get ready 4 change with Lars – your Transition Coach

Remember that when we talk about goal setting, your attitudes, values and behavior it’s really about making sure that you stay in line with and are being true to your needs, opinions and perception.The distinction between selfishness and self fullness is that self fullness is being true to your needs, opinions and perception without worrying what others think and understanding an important difference that when we disappoint some people we are actually allowing them to find their own strenght.

For more about having the life you want, and getting the support you need, based on your needs, interest and values, go to www.CoachLars.com for a free consulation and to sign up for my 5-step transition signature program – “get ready 4 change”.

Enlight31

F.E.A.R. – be mindful of your fear.

What brings a human being to the brink of doing things we can’t imagine anyone doing – good or evil? What makes the person cross the line of the impossible?

What’s the fuel feeding the transition…?

The answer may be F.E.A.R. and the words hidden in the acronym.

The emotions we feel and react to…in different ways…depending on the circumstances…always fueled by the level of fear we feel…of showing our emotions…or not. FYI the words in the acronym FEAR below are Swedish words translated to English in [..]

Förelskelse [Love]; the fear you feel when letting your guard down; displaying vulnerability…instead of “safety”.
Empati [Empathy]; the fear of the uncertainty you feel when showing compassion; easing someone’s pain…with less regard to your own.
Alienation [Alienation]; the fear you feel of being left out; of being lonely, not able to share your love, hate, passion or anxiety.
Reciprok altuism [Reciprocal altruism] or [“Ömsesidig nytta”]; the fear of having to reciprocate one favor with another; be in debt to someone…knowing you’ll never be free…or able to pay back.
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In my fiction book “A Mindful Death”, (visit www.amindfuldeath.com for more and how to purchase a copy) the characters’ actions and the life they live, are fueled by F.E.A.R.

The “heroes and heroines” focus on the fuel that renew, rather than the fear that suffocate, felt by the “villains”.

The plot sees a long lost love romantically rekindled when the lovers determine to let their guards down; allow vulnerability into their relationship; letting their feelings, rather than logic, guide them.

Some of the characters display empathy, and then, others do not out of fear for retribution; the battle between good and evil…and the choices made by us which side to choose.

The alienation felt…and lived; secrets kept…never to be shared; the feeling of being left alone with one’s thoughts, conscience; not knowing…or understanding…if they are morally right… or wrong.

Bound by reciprocal altruism – not ever being allowed to stop reciprocating; indebted…for life.

________________________

 

A Mindful Death is of course a fiction book but the F.E.A.R. is real. Just like in our own daily lives we have choices to make how we want F.E.A.R. to influence our way of living…

The choice for us to make, and be mindful of, is to:

  • acknowledge and manage our fear; to understand how fear fuel our feelings, thoughts, actions, and choices we make in life.
  • show vulnerability; let our guards down…to embrace love.
  • allow our emotions and impulses guide us…to show empathy.
  • reach out for help and support…to dread alienation.
  • help someone, expect nothing in return…to say no to reciprocal altruism.

​Fear not. LIVE…because Life is beautiful.

What does life transition mean and what would better managing them entail?

Let’s take a pivotal period in life – transitioning into retirement or semi-retirement. One of the things to look at, as in any transition, is the help needed to build resilience and skills in an individual facing this life changing transition.

Planning, preparing and preventing are three key words that first come to mind, and with a help of a coach you can enter into this new phase of your life confident and with more ease.

During any transition you hit barriers, road blocks, that have prevented you to succeed in the past. One is a behavioral barrier – the way we relate to others. Loneliness, for example, which so significantly impacts health later in life, is one important barrier you may face. Without the support of a partner, peers, family, friend, neighbors, an individual might find it considerably harder to face significant life changes.
On the other hand, reduced independence might prove detrimental because it can diminish the individual’s sense of control of his or her own destiny.

Attitudes also play a pivotal role in any transition. How we choose to enter into a transition. To capitalize on the lessons learnt from their own past experiences (or other’s) the individual is given a platform from where to better prepare for future difficult transitions. The challenge is that it may not be obvious how to do this and guidance from a coach could prove pivotal to the success of the change…to de-traumatize the transition.

Instead of fearing change, embrace it and instigate a change in perception from one of loss and hopelessness,  to one focused on assets that builds resilience.

Other barriers are related to family and social networks, and how to best “intervene” to put you back on track on your journey – your transition – into retirement.

These are a just a few of the challenges/barriers you’ll face in a transition but they give you an idea of what to expect if you choose not to plan, prepare and prevent. i.e. entering into the transition kind of blindfolded.

If you like to get help with a transition like this or any other transition you are facing in life, please get in touch with me to discuss how I can be of help – www.CoachLars.com

In today’s world we live a life in where we embrace change as not only something positive but more importantly a necessity of survival.

And where the future belongs to those who are able to take better advantage of social tools, extending their capabilities in ways that violate old models not because they know more useful things than we, the older generation do, but because they know fewer useless things than we do.

Our social tools are dramatically improving our ability to share, cooperate, and act together.

The power of organizing without organizations.

The power of getting things done by collaborating collectively without a hierarchical flow of decision makings. Malcom Gladwell in “What the Dog Saw” said; “If everyone had to think outside the box, maybe it was the box that needed fixing.” Seen in that light, social tools don’t create collective action – they merely remove the obstacles to it. Those obstacles have been so significant and pervasive, however, that as they are being removed, the world is becoming a different place.

Many of the changes we see are not based on the fanciest, newest bits of technology but on simple, easy-to-use tools like smartphones, apps, blogs and websites, because those are tools most people have access to and, critically, are comfortable using in their daily lives. Revolution doesn’t happen when society adopts new technologies – it happens when society adopts new behaviors.

So as more people adopt simple social tools, and as those tools allow increasingly rapid communication, the speed of group action also increases, and just as more is different, faster is different.

Holacracy  is a new way of running an organization. It removes power from a traditional management hierarchy and distributes it across clear roles without a micromanaging boss. The work is actually more structured than in a conventional company, just differently so. With Holacracy there is a clear set of rules and processes for how a team breaks up its work, and defines its roles with clear responsibilities and expectations.

It’s possible because of the rapid communication, the speed of which the group can act, taking advantage of social tools, adapting new behaviors faster than can be done in a traditional hierarchical environment and way of working.

The power of organizing without organizations are here to stay.

Here comes everybody, interconnected with social tools most people have access to, and not only to a few selected with their names in square boxes, interconnected with lines on a piece of paper.

 

I feed off inspiration ALL the time. Everything I do is born out of inspiration. Is that bad?

It’s probably the reason why I am not always MOTIVATED… Inspiration is defined as the process of being mentally stimulated to do something, especially something creative. BUT it’s an EXTERNAL force…MOTIVATION is an INTERNAL drive…

SO I need to learn to ACT on everyday inspiration – MOTIVATION does that. It comes from within and propels me to ACT on the inspiration I can find anywhere – IF I choose and am willing to look for it…

I need to let the inspiration turn into motivation to act and allow it to be the accelerant to produce more of my “monster” ideas and plots when I write my stories; or when I help others excel and become more thoughtful, mindful and solution-focused; as a way of living, behaving, and working with others.

And YOU can do the same! Choose to let your inspiration feed your motivation to ACT!

The word coaching is indeed widely used – from management support services, to a wellness coach in our fitness club. For clarity, let me explain what I mean by coaching.

For a moment, think about the arts and crafts of frame making…framing a picture in such a way that it can unfold its full expressivity is an art that few people have mastered. Rembrandt was quoted as saying that during his whole career it was more difficult for him to find an appropriate frame than to paint the picture!

Now, think about coaching as framing a piece of art…As a coach we create a frame (of thought) for the individual or team in which his or her goals, solutions, and first steps can shine. The frame constructed by the coach consists of goal-oriented questions, reinforcing feedback. present listening, and useful summary.

It is the task of coaching to ensure that the individual or team receive the appropriate frame. But just like the frame maker, the coach would never start actively creating the picture.

ThinkLARS – Life stress relieving Awareness and Resources for your Success 

A helping hand...coaching

A helping hand…coaching

Being Focused on the Solution of a situation rather than the cause – the problem – is the driving force behind SF coaching.

The idea being that it’s more useful to focus attention on building solutions for problems than on analyzing causes of problems, trusting that any person is competent to solve his or her own problems, but may need help finding solutions that fit his or her unique circumstances; individualized solutions that are really owned by the coachee/performer/team. 

  • Problem talk is negative, solution talk is positive and future focused.
  • The future is both created and negotiable. People are not locked into a set of behaviors based on history and problems of the past.
  • If it isn’t broken, don’t fix it. If it works, do more of it.
  • The solution is not necessarily related to the problem. Talking about and acting upon what will be different is the focus, not uncovering why the problem occurred.
  • No problem happens all the time; there are always exceptions that can be utilized. These exceptions can be used to create the solution.
  • Small steps can lead to big changes. Being solution focused means using a series of small manageable steps to build the path to a Solution.
  • Again, problem talk is negative, solution talk is positive and future focused.

ThinkLARS – Life stress relieving Awareness and Resources for your Success!

 

...being positive and future focused

Being Solution Focused…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mindfulness is awareness of, and an alert observing of your thoughts, emotions, body sensations, desires, memories, images, personality dynamics, attitudes, motivation, behavior, etc.

When you are mindful of something, you are observing it, not caught up in it and not identified with it. With people, you become more settled into being fully there with them, more peacefully relaxed in awareness of them and you and what’s happening, less identified with pleasant or unpleasant reactions that arise, less caught up in the past or future or sense of needing to make something happen. We can feel it immediately when someone else is mindfully present with us; similarly, others can feel it when you are that way yourself.

Hmm...being in the presence

Hmm…being in the presence

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ThinkLARS – Life stress relieving Awareness and Resources for your Success!

Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, M.B.S.R., and Solution-Focused coaching operate out of the understanding that by being aware of, and learn to consciously and systematically work with stress, pain, illness, and the challenges and demands of everyday life, by not turning away from them, but learning to be resilient with and through them, and to be willing to “own them”, YOU, together with your Coach, can design small do-able changes that will help you be more aligned with your beliefs and values.

Let’s look at that definition in more depth and let’s start with Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction. Ralph Waldo Emerson said “What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us.” Mindfulness is about being fully aware of whatever is happening (good or bad) in the present moment, without filters or the lens of judgement. It’s about being aware, and living in the here and now. You may say, that’s fine but how does that reduce my stress level I live with day in and day out…?

What if you could become mindful of your stress reactions and learn to respond to them in a more constructive and harmonious way than for example respond to being stuck in traffic by cursing, becoming agitated, angry, frustrated and honking your horn as if that would open up a lane for you to drive away and escape the bumper to bumper traffic…?

The tension throughout your body, rapid or irregular breathing, gripping the steering wheel so tightly that your knuckles are turning white, or the more hidden impact of anxiety and irritation, such as elevated heart rate, blood pressure, or body temperature CAN be reversed by becoming aware (being mindful) or your physical tension, return to the present moment and release your death grip on the steering wheel, breath mindfully, which will gradually regulate other internal symptoms of stress, including heart rate and blood pressure.

In short, mindfulness allows you to see your experience of being stuck in traffic clearly, and it can help you become more aware of how stress affects you, making you a more active participant in your health and well-being and experience any moment, no matter how difficult or intense, with more balance and peace.

You have just chosen a more “skillful” response to being stuck in traffic…

ThinkLARS – Life stress relieving Awareness and Resources for your Success!

“If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn’t ask me , I’d still have to say it.”

George F. Burns

 

1. One thing at a time. Do it right now. Remove distractions.

2. Simplify your schedule. Learn to say no. Leave room for down time and fun.

3. Get moving. Walk, hike, play a sport, go for a run, do yoga.

4. Develop one healthy habit this month. One habit at a time – for example eat fruit and veggies for snack, drink water instead of soda.

5. Do something calming. Find what calms you down. Housework, yard work, meditation, nature walk, reading, taking a bath.

6. Simplify your finances. Automate savings and bill payments and debt payments. Find ways to have fun that don’t involve spending money.

7. Have a blast! Have fun each day, even it’s just for a few minutes. Laugh a lot and often. Smile.

8. Get creative. If you like to write, do so. If you prefer to paint or play music or sketch or make pottery or do interior design or build things…Just do it!

9. Declutter. Take 20-30 minutes to just to through a room, getting rid of stuff you don’t use or need anymore.

10. Be early. Schedule some buffer time to avoid being late – because being late can be very stressful…and if you get somewhere early, meditate!

 

Now your life will probably never be stress-free – I don’t think that’s even desirable, even if is possible, because stress is something that challenges us and helps us grow. At a reasonable level. But when stress gets too high, it causes us to be unhappy and unhealthy.

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