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I choose my thoughts. No thought, at any time, can dwell in my mind without my permission. I have talents, skills and abilities – and I’m discovering new talents all the time. I take time to listen and communicate. I’m patient and understanding. It’s worth working at, and I do. I focus my attention on the things I can control. If I can’t affect it or direct it – I accept it. I know that what I believe about myself is what I will become – so I believe in the best for myself.

And so should you. Give yourself the kind, loving, determined support you would give to your best friend. Harness the power of the ultimate motivator – YOU!

Saturday morning and a weekend in front of us and some time to think about the following quote that I have used before to stress the importance of being who you really are and the power of knowing yourself! Have a great weekend! 🙂

“Often people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier. They way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.” – Margaret Young

“The past cannot be changed. The future is yet in your power.” – Hugh White
Today I’m blogging from New York City and what better back drop than this to remind ourselves that it’s not what happened in the past that should guide us. This is a place that thrives on what’s going on right now and what is yet to come – the possibilities of tomorrow. Viktor Hugo once said “He, who every morning plans the transactions of the day, and follows the plan carries a thread that will guide him through a labyrinth of the most busy life”

Everyone has a future – choose to plan yours. Think about th following when you start the day today and every day:

“If you could do anything now, with the life you have in front of you, what would it be?”

Need help?

“No one cares how much you know, until they know how much you care.” Don Swartz

So, I’m back after a couple of days off. Not on vacation. Just of track. And off-line.Yes, it happen to all of us. And what happens when you do? You hang on to what’s really important to you. You use your attitude, values and interests to find your way back. To find your way back to the path you’ve decided to walk on. A helping hand is always welcome – someone who is willing to listen, someone who cares, someone who can point out the reasons why you want to walk the path you’ve chosen and not stay off track for any long period of time.
Yes, coaches needs coaches – after all we are human like you (surprise!). Why is caring so important…Why should I care about others…It’s simple – when you care about others it shows that you are able to be. And when you care about being, such as being with other human beings, you show compassion and by showing compassion you are able to love. The simple truth is that you have to love yourself before you can love someone else, that you need to show compassion and care about yourself before caring for others. Take a look at yourself in the mirror. Do you like what you see? Can you honestly say you love, care and feel compassion for the person you see in the mirror. If you do (and you should!) then you have the gift of caring for others as well. Sharing the love, compassion and care that we all need and that we from time to time feel left out of. That’s when a friend, coach, loved one is there to support, and remind you about what made you walk on the path you chosen in the first place, and to reach out that helping hand that cares about your well-being and that cares about you finding your way back on your Roadmap to Success 🙂

“Kindness is never wasted. If it has no effect on the recipient, at least it benefits the bestower.” – S.H. Simmons

Most of us treat our future as if there’s no today…, spending most of the hours of most of our days constructing tomorrows that we hope will make us happy…When, what really makes us happy is to live in the moment, enjoy what’s around us NOW, not what may be around us tomorrow, for tomorrow – although important – is always going to be an unknown…NOW is what it is, known to you and everyone around you. In life we have to balance what is important at the moment and the necessity of thinking about tomorrow. The funny thing is though, by making the best of every single hour and day, we build a foundation for our future, without spending time constructing tomorrow…
When I say “Everyone has a future – choose to plan yours” I mean exactly that – You need to put in place (plan) a day that not only works for you and the people around you (be it work or at home) but that makes you happy, content, and leaves you with a feeling of accomplishment at the end of day. That is the one most important building stone for your tomorrow. Your future (everyone has one) is that 5,000 piece puzzle that never get finished… but every day we try to find the puzzle piece that will fit 🙂

YOU – is a puzzle and the pieces you have to try and fit into your daily plan are Relationship, Career, Finances, Well Being, Personal Development and Quality of Life. More about this to come – for now, remember that today is an investment in tomorrow so do the best you can to enjoy and treasure it 🙂

Put your future in good hands – your own.

Previously I blogged about EQ (Emotional Intelligence) and its critical impact on your success in life (personal and professional). A couple of days ago I wrote a blog about Act or React and the importance of being aware of the mechanism of reaction – stopping the automatic reaction when our buttons are pushed…

Today I’m giving you a chance to “test yourself” 🙂
By becoming aware of how you think and help you understand what conditions positively and negatively affect your thoughts, you will be able to listen to your personal advisors and make better decisions. The STEP Model provides an opportunity to select words and phrases that describe how you communicate in different situations and help you to…
–> Understand what motivates you in different situations
–> Use words to describe how you are in those situations
–> Use your self-awareness to hear your personal advisors and make better choices

Select a situation as the focus for your self-assessment. For example, a work situation might be handling customers on the phone or leading a team or teaching a skill. A home situation might be dealing with your teenager about using your vehicle (or if you are the teenager – dealing with your parent about staying out late on a Saturday night 🙂 )
Select and circle a total of five words or phrases from all columns that best describe the way you communicate in that siuation. Any combination is possilbe including the seclection of all five words in one column.

Stable, Cooperative, Specialist, Laid Back, Feeling secure
Thorough, Questioning, Perfectionist, Unemotional, Doing things right
Emotional, Outgoing, People oriented, Talkative, Being liked
Pusher, Assertive, Controlling, Quick, Getting results

Total the number of items (phrases or words) you circled in each of the four columns (S-T-E-P).

The column with the highest point total (or if tied with another column) represents your communication style in that specific situation your chose. Stable – Thorough – Emotional – or – Pusher. Then contact me (see CoachLars) with your result and I will, free of charge, give you information that shows the relationship between each STEP style and emotionally intelligent thinking and examples/describers how you think, feel, and comunicate in situations that are motivating and positive, situations that tend to be most satisfying and stimulating to you, situations that tend to be irritating and annoying and cause you to disconnect from all your advisors, especially the logical advisor and finally, give you the warning signals that describe your emotions and thoughts when you are reacting automatically.

Go ahead – do the self-assessment – and get in touch with me. It’s FREE, it’s fun and it’s an eye-opening exercise! Get to know yourself a little better and be more effective in every day situations!

In times like these we are constantly reminded about obstacles people have to overcome in life….and it’s during times like these we reflect on what really matters…So our prayers first and foremost go out to the Japanese people. At the same time we are reminded about the process and obstacles we, on a much smaller scale, go through daily once our lives are back to a more “normal” routine. When disaster strikes we have a need to reflect on our lives the way we have chosen to live it; the obstacles we once thought were impossible to overcome suddenly seem less difficult to overcome and definately of less importance in the overall scope of things…
“Difficult times have helped me to understand better than before how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way and that so many things that one goes worrying about are of no importance whatsoever.” – Isak Dinesen
And in Life Coaching we talk a lot about Goal Setting. Today I would like you to remember the following quote…”Achieving goals by themselves will never make us happy in the long terms; it’s who you become, as you overcome the obstacles necessary to achieve your goals, that can give you the deepest and most long-lasting sense of fulfillment.” – Tony Robbins

If you like to help the victims in Japan consider donating whatever you can afford to one of the many disaster relief organizations that gladly will accept your donation, small or large does not matter. What matters is the action you take to do something rather than sitting on the sideline doing nothing…ever so small action is better than doing nothing – and it will give you the deepest and most longlasting sense of fulfillment…

Growing up we learn all the “shoulds”, “musts”, and “cannots”. Did you know that during our first 18 years of our lives, we were told “No” or what we could notdo, more than 148,000 times! And only a couple of thousand times what you can do or what you can accomplish in life.

Leding behavioral researches have told us that as much as 75% of everything we think is negative, counterproductive, and works against us. At the same time, medical researches have said that as much as 75% of all illnesses are self-induced…

So how do we “re-program” the way we think? One way is “Self-Talk” and knowing what to say when you talk to yourself. Choose your thoughts. Use your talents, skills and abilities and discover new talents all the time. Take time to listen and communicate. Be patient and understanding. Focus your attention on the things you can control – accept the things you can’t. What you believe about yourself is what you will become – so believe in the best for yourself.

Work on the above positive “self-talk” and give yourself the kind, loving, determined support you would give to your best friend. Harness the power of the ultimate motivator – YOU!

Get the support and help you need to get started on the right track – go to my website for more information.

Goal setting is one of the most important key concepts in life and in life coaching. Beliefs about what you can and cannot achieve are formed early and before you reach your teens, most of you have settled on certain goals and given up on others. It doesn’t have to be like that. It’s important to break down your ambitions and dreams into achievable “step-by-step” goals and align your behavior with your goals. If you set yourself up for success you will succeed – if you set yourself up for failure by letting yourself down, feeling a hopelessness and give up rather than revisiting and resetting your goals, you will fail. Build a hopeful attitude, use the concept of “Smart” goal setting, and make sure you back up your goal setting by setting you up for success – attend school, say no to drugs, get in shape physically and have a positive frame of mind by breaking down your goals in smaller steps, write down the skills you’ll have to learn, name strategies and resources you need to use such as more homework time and track your progress. That’s what setting you up for success is about. Same strategy for teens as for adults, same strategy in your career, personal development, well being and relationship. Read this article in WSJ for more and visit my web site for more information what you can do today to get the help you need to set your goals!

Reacting means to act again, re-act. Reacting is based on what we already know and we do it automatically which is in an emergency is very useful but in a relationship the same automatic reaction may not be in our best interest. If we can be aware of the “mechanism of reaction”, when our buttons are being pushed, and stop the automatic reaction we could be much more evenly balanced, avoid problems and experience a much higher degree of happiness.
An example in a relationship is when we react to the present situation which is SIMILAR to the past ones. For example having had an abusive father, now you think ALL men are abusive. Another example would be if your parents always told you what to do and now you get angry and resistant to ANYONE even asking you to do something. In these situations you often tend to blame others for “making you feel that way” or “making you do certain things”. Being responsible for your actions means that you are able to respond, thus response-able. That’s the alternative. Responsiblity is a matter of free choice; it is an exercise in free will. Responding is not subject to your feelings but it is rather an intentional choice in accordance with your values, ethics, and morals.

So, taking responsibility for anything and everything that happens to you in your life, no matter how unreasonable it may be, will make you more content, powerful, successful and ultimately happier than merely reacting to what happens to you. Take charge – Be responsible.

Learn more about your attitudes and values by taking advantage of my FREE consultation.

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Lars – Transition & Retirement Coach

Certified Retirement Coach


March 2011
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