You are currently browsing the category archive for the ‘Empty Nester’ category.
Trust…if not there you walk through life like if you were constantly walking on thin ice…afraid of the ice breaking under the weight of your doubts, suspicion, and fear of losing what you have…because having someone/something is better than having no one or nothing…even if they/it are not good for us. Trusting yourself is knowing yourself and when you know yourself you are able to let go of someone or something without fear, without feeling lost…
We push people away because we are afraid of letting them in and being hurt when they leave.
We grasp on to people that are not good for us because we are afraid of being alone and someone is better than no one.
Pushing and pulling are fear, not love.
Love is holding.
Loosely enough so that each person has the freedom to grow and change.
And firmly enough so that each person knows they are supported.
It is trusting the other person enough that they want to stay even if they have the ability to leave.
And trusting yourself that you will be okay if they do.
I’m working on a piece about how the emotion of loneliness (usually associated with a negative feeling, anti-social and “isolated” feeling) and solitude (more often associated with a more “exploratory”, mindful feeling of “freedom”), and how these feelings relates to, and defines, your behavior. Found your blog post of great interest and value for not only dating after divorce but for the struggle people who don’t feel they are good enough or wanted, go through.
I received a message the other day from a woman who was recently divorced after fifteen years of marriage. But that’s not why she was reaching out. She was instead asking for help dealing with the utter devastation she was feeling at the end of a six month relationship.
She seemed surprised at the depth of her response.
I wasn’t.
Dating after divorce is often a journey through murky waters. Every encounter and action can have multiple layers, as we work through the end of one marriage, heal ourselves and learn to be in a new relationship. Those events take time and often result in certain stumbling blocks in dating after divorce.
Beginning Deja-Vu
If you were in a long marriage and you were faithful, it has probably been a long time since you have experienced the particular thrill that can electrify the early stages of infatuation. In fact, the last…
View original post 411 more words
“If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn’t ask me , I’d still have to say it.”
– George F. Burns
1. One thing at a time. Do it right now. Remove distractions.
2. Simplify your schedule. Learn to say no. Leave room for down time and fun.
3. Get moving. Walk, hike, play a sport, go for a run, do yoga.
4. Develop one healthy habit this month. One habit at a time – for example eat fruit and veggies for snack, drink water instead of soda.
5. Do something calming. Find what calms you down. Housework, yard work, meditation, nature walk, reading, taking a bath.
6. Simplify your finances. Automate savings and bill payments and debt payments. Find ways to have fun that don’t involve spending money.
7. Have a blast! Have fun each day, even it’s just for a few minutes. Laugh a lot and often. Smile.
8. Get creative. If you like to write, do so. If you prefer to paint or play music or sketch or make pottery or do interior design or build things…Just do it!
9. Declutter. Take 20-30 minutes to just to through a room, getting rid of stuff you don’t use or need anymore.
10. Be early. Schedule some buffer time to avoid being late – because being late can be very stressful…and if you get somewhere early, meditate!
Now your life will probably never be stress-free – I don’t think that’s even desirable, even if is possible, because stress is something that challenges us and helps us grow. At a reasonable level. But when stress gets too high, it causes us to be unhappy and unhealthy.
“It is indeed a radical act of love just to sit down and be quiet for a time by yourself…It is only love that can give us insight into what is real and what is important. And so a radical act of love makes sense, love for life and for the emergence of one’s truest self.” —– Jon Kabat-Zinn
To bare our heart (or soul) to someone, to reveal our innermost thoughts…to undress your soul. Check out my illustration – Feelings & Expressions©.
Expression of Joy – photo by Lars
Begin & end each day with an Expression of Joy! Then you know you have done something that day to not only add value to your own well-being but in the process you have touched so many others – many whom you’ll never see again, some you’ll wake up next to in the morning.
The key to understand joy in the things you see or do is awareness. Awareness is knowing what is happening around you. Self-awareness is knowing what you are experiencing. When you truly accept, choose or take responsibility for your thoughts and your actions, your commitments to them rises and so does your “expression of joy”… Being aware of who you are is also about knowing your interests, attitudes and values – for more about that contact me for a free consultation!
Find happiness within – then you may share “your happy self” with others 🙂
Remember the best way to succeed in life is to act on the advice we give to others.
Material things never replace the reward of a soul mate who travels on the same path as you. Compatibility, trust and respect pave the road long term…
It was a snipe hunt.
I didn’t realize it at the time.
In fact, I didn’t even realize he was searching for something.
I just saw them as simple transactions.
$40 for a shirt here.
$200 for a new phone there.
But he wasn’t looking for a new wardrobe or a new phone.
Not really.
What he was looking for didn’t exist, at least not in material form.
But he didn’t realize that either.
He was on a snipe hunt for happiness.
I’m often questioned about my assertion that they were not obvious signs of my ex husband’s deceptions. There weren’t in the moment. But time has a way of revealing connections and indications, of washing away the clutter and revealing the patterns beneath.
And this is one of those cases.
My ex never expressed discontentment. He never claimed unhappiness or a lack of self-worth. Yet, when I…
View original post 314 more words
My goal for my Self-Development spoke. In my last posting I announced the goal for my Routine spoke – one of three spokes I found I had to try and balance with my other 7 spokes (Routine, Love, Family, Personal, Self-Development, Wellness and Social). Today’s blog deals with my Self-Development spoke – which is an ongoing process that you must take in order to know and improve yourself. This entails your intellectual life, learning, understanding, memory, analyzing, reflecting, and even beliefs, religion, opinions, ideologies, spiritual growth, and everything concerning personal development, such as self-confidence, self-esteem, and more. When setting goals for yourself it’s important to align them with your interests, attitudes and values – your true purpose and priorities – and to bring you – on the road map of life – closer to your final destination. In my coaching practice I offer my assessment Managing for Success – Personal Interests, Attitudes and Values – an assessment I obviously took myself 🙂
When setting goals for the three spokes I’m working on and to get them more in line (balanced) with the other 5 spokes of the Wheel of Life, I rely on my Personal Interests, Attitudes and Values assessment result to find goals that are in line with who I am and what makes me “take action”.
So for example in my Professional life (or “spoke”) my ideal environment, based on my personal strengths and preferences, is one where I get assignments with a high degree of people contacts, with a minimum of conflict between people but in a stable and somewhat predictable environment in which I may deal with people on a personal, intimate basis, with a democratic supervisor with whom I can associate and where I may thrive with freedom from control and detail.
When taking a thorough look at how to balance my Routine spoke I looked back at my SWOT (Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats) analysis and found that my strength is that I’m stable and persistent, but with a potential weakness of being relaxed and content with things the way they are. I’m good at analyzing situations that can be felt, touched, seen, heard, personally observed or experienced. My motto is “facts are facts”. I often think over major decisions before acting. I am sensitive to the feelings of others and able to display real empathy for those who are experiencing difficulties. I prefer to plan my work and work my plan.
Furthermore I found that I sometimes want to avoid problems, rather than face them and solve them. I’m also sometime too quick to offer my friendship and help to others who needs me and my time…So the first thing I needed to do to better balance my Routine spoke was to make sure I stopped avoiding problems and started to face them, plan and solve them as part of my new routine making sure they were not put on a back burner but rather addressed as part of my routine. my time management. I also needed to start saying no…and stop being distracted by, or making an excuse for not getting things done in a timely manner, because I helped others who needed me and my time…
My Routine will now be more in line with who I am; better managing my money, personal and professional time, by being aware of the distractions “luring” me away from my goal to get things done – in other words to better balancing my Routine.
*****************************************************************************************************************************************************
My Self-Development spoke is the last of my 8 Wheel of Life spokes that I found out I needed to work on in order to Balance My Life. Self-Development is about self-actualization which in turn is the key to self-help. While good advice is valuable, the ultimate provider of self-help is the self. The most successful and happy people are those who, when faced with adversity, find the solutions within themselves. “Self-actualized” people are confident in their abilities. They do not rely on others to set goals for them, and neither do they depend on external validation as a measure of success. They listen to their instincts and trust themselves. They break free from old relationships, say goodbye to blaming parents, spouses, or employers. They realize that happiness must come from inside.
This is a huge task to take upon yourself – and it’s the one spoke I need to spend the most time on myself over the next 5 years – the goal being that the ride will become less and less “bumpy” the more I work on the 3 spokes Professional, Routine and Self-Development, even out my wheel making the journey more enjoyable and comfortable. Plus I’ll be able to reach my destination faster and in a safer way 🙂
*****************************************************************************************************************************************************
Life doesn’t have to be something that just “happens” to you. You have more of a say in your future than you might imagine. Of the ones I’ve coached, many, who feel they didn’t wind up “where they wanted to be” had only the vaguest idea of where that place was. They were somehow without direction but admitted to have no focus to begin with. In other words, they were lost from the very beginning, because they didn’t have the life road map – never drew one, never took the time to write down the short-and long-term goals, their direction.
Lars: five years from now and the journey to get there starts now and it starts with me finding out a) what’s important to me about success [The Values Staircase™, a ThinkLars tool] and b) how “balanced” my wheel of life is [The Wheel of Life, a Meyer Resource Inc. trademark]. It’s about my values – the guidelines I’ll bring with me on my journey and the fuel I need to succeed. What is it I need to accomplish, to satisfy, and how do I find the most rewarding road on the road map of life? The more balanced my “wheels” are the smoother the ride, the faster I can travel (if I so choose to), or the more I’ll enjoy the ride! There are eight spokes on the wheel that, together, and if balanced, will make the wheel roll with fewer bumps and lessen the risk of “deflation”.
The eight spokes; 1. Professional, 2. Routine, 3. Love, 4. Family, 5. Personal, 6. Self-Development, 7.Wellness and 8. Social
Many people believe that having wealth and a prominent and respectable career is a surefire way to happiness and satisfaction. These types of people tend to adopt a HAVE-DO-BE attitude. The risk with this kind of thinking is that they rely on acquiring an external source or tangible material to attain satisfaction. They start by wanting to HAVE. What happens when the external source or material is gone? The the satisfaction is gone too.
The way to resolve this it to attain satisfaction that comes from within, which is demonstrated by the BE-DO-HAVE model. You must first BE who you really are, and then you DO the actions that are in line with your personality to HAVE satisfaction that emanates from the inside-out. The starting point here is to BE what you are, according to what you want and expect for yourself. That is why the first step to achieving true satisfaction and happiness in your job and career is for you to take a close look at your personality. From that point, you can determine the jobs and careers that are best suited to your personality, your strengths, talents and interests.
You need to look at each one of the eight spokes and how they are all graded/satisfied/taken care of at the present moment. I think you get the grasp of how the Wheel of Life exercise works. The more balanced the 8 spokes are, the better prepared I am for the road ahead.
Lars: five years from now and the journey to get there is going to be a ride you don’t want to miss, so decide to follow me and my blog, pick up some key ideas for yourself along the way. And if you decide you need someone by your side who will focus entirely on you, and who will help and support you in getting what you really want, to define, set, and track your own goals – then I’ll be your Coach throughout your journey. Feel free to send me your comments (using the form below) but make sure you sign up and follow me over the next five years!! This is going to be one heck of a journey and you will have front row seats to my life-planning book that I write myself – Lars: five years from now. Actually, it’s so much more than planning. It’s about finding out more about me, self-discovery, getting to know and trust the only person who is responsible for my own happiness. And you will all have front row seats to My Journey! I’m hoping to inspire you to set sail on your own journey and if so, I’ll be there to help, support and track your progress.
Curious? Get in touch with me for your own, no-cost, initial consultation. I promise you it will take no more than 15 minutes of your time and you will leave with a better understanding of what is important to you, what you value and what the key checkpoints on your journey will be! 🙂
“Take the first step in Faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”
– Martin Luther King
Oscar Wilde said – “To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people only exist”
Happiness is not the absence of problems, but the ability to deal with them. Imagine all the wondrous things your mind might embrace if it weren’t wrapped so tightly around your struggles. Always look at what you have, instead of what you have lost. Because it’s not what the world takes away from you that counts; it’s what you do with what you have left.
Please take moment to click on this link, read, learn and spread the insight – a few reminders to help motivate you when you need it most:
