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Stress…we all talk about being stressed. What do we really refer to?

We generally use the word “stress” when we feel that everything seems to have become too much – we are overloaded and wonder whether we really can cope with the pressures placed upon us.

Anything that poses a challenge or a threat to our well-being is a stress. Some stresses get you going and they are good for you – without any stress at all many say our lives would be boring and would probably feel pointless. However, when the stresses undermine both our mental and physical health they are bad.

Show emotions. Talk, laugh, cry, get angry. Let it out!

Practice above 🙂 !

More ways in my next blog!

Remember that your best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other…

A personal note related to above…Back in 2001, I became a stay-home-dad and had the great fortune for the next 10 years to be part of my kids every day fun laughter, tears, learning and challenges. I experienced first hand that is it NO cliche – it really is the small things in life that matters. It is also not what you do out of need – the volunteering I experienced in schools wasn’t done out of need…it was done out of love. And the reward wasn’t money in your pocket – it was an investment, a deposit in our heart and soul.

Now, looking back at those years and seeing the love and appreciation in the, by now, young women that used to be my kids running around, pulling my hand, urging me to come and play, give them a hand, read and feed them not only food but knowledge and experience, I know it was all worth it. And I know it wasn’t necessarily that they NEEDED me but rather that they got what the LOVE they wanted to grow up, establishing their own personal interests, attitudes and values – a belief system that will follow them through life.

So, remember that your best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other 🙂

Sunset in Sweden

Be in sync with your surroundings. Your emotions are affected by the world you live in – your physical, emotional and social surroundings. If you’re in sync with that world, you have a much better chance of achieving happiness.
Think about where you currently live. Now, ask yourself whether you’re living in a place where you can be happy. If the answer is yes, then you know that you environment is not the root of your unhappiness. If the answer is no, it might be. Consider a ‘geographic cure” – move or spend time at a place you have longed for, explore and recharge – then decide if the change of your surroundings is necessary for your long term happiness. In any event you may experience something you’ll never forget…like the sunset by the ocean in Sweden…:)

The "Personal Self"

Who am I? What makes me unique? Where am I going in life? Am I comfortable with myself? Solitude is a chance to learn something about yourself. Self-discovery is a process that involves asking and answering the questions above.

Solitude also provides an opportunity for perspective. When you’re caught up in the hassles of day-to-day life, all you can see is what’s directly in front of you – the problem of the moment. If you want to see and appreciate the big picture of what your life’s all about, you have to step back and get a bird’s-eye view – and that’s exactly what solitude allows you to do.

Taking time for yourself is often viewed as selfish and uproductive. Solitude is also uncomortable for many people because they’ve learned to derive their self-esteem from activities initiated by their “other selves” – that is, their efforts to satisfy themselves by satisfying others. But there are important benefits that come from spending time with your “personal self”, that part of you that doesn’t need other people to be happy…:)

There are four types of support between people:
1. Emotional support – the “I’m here for you no matter what” kind of support.
2. Informational support – information, guidance, and advice what to do or how to handle situations.
3. Tangible support – helping someone financially, offering a ride, help moving to another house etc.
4. Appraisal support – you need somone to give you honest, frank, constructive feedback about yourself

You need them ALL but you also may find yourself at a point in life where you have no one to confide in – no one to talk to about the important things that are going on in your life, to assist you in overcoming obstacles, or to simply “give you a voice”. If so, you need to begin reaching out…begin by talking to a Life Coach…begin by contacting me. To find out more about a free consultation go to CoachLars.com.

On my way over to Sweden I took the time to study some of my passengers prior to embarking on the plane and during the flight itself. The fear of flying takes a lot of different forms – but can you actually spot a nervous person by just observing their physical behavior? Maybe. But if you would ask each one of the passengers what that person is afraid of, you may be surprised to hear that the calmest, “coolest” passenger is the one who is the most afraid…

….and when asking that person what he/she is afraid of, the answer usually is “I don’t know” or “I’m not sure”. Fear is a skeptical feeling like in a horror movie. You just think something bad is going to happen, and you sit on the edge of your seat and wait for the unknown.

Change brings unknowns with it. Managing change is the art of breaking down unknowns into predictable and hopeful visions of the future. How far you can go is as far as you can see. When you become blind with fear, you can’t go anywhere. Through self-accountability, we take on self-awareness, and move forward through self-improvement.

So, going back to the fear of flying – and not knowing exactly what the person is afraid of – you need to break down the perceived fear into predictable and hopeful visions of the future – of the next 8 hours on an airplane, controlled by skilled pilots who know very well that by being proactive, turning problems into challenges, and through accountability, self-awareness, and self improvement (continued ed), these challenges are transformed into opportunities (to in a case of an emergency, respond by using all the known predictables of the emergency to conquer any perceived fear of the unknown).

So, how do you overcome the fear of flying, heights, making a lifechanging decision or a career change? You simply won’t allow any “barriers” into your life:). You choose to transform the barriers, the challenges, into opportunities to conquer, resolve and build your new life, fearless of the unknown…

We often insist that the outside world reflect something at us that tells us who we are…Whether that comes in the form of success or failure is beside the point. To attempt a meaningful life is to embrace that which can be measured only within ourselves. It’s not the snapshot of ourselves, seen through the lens of someone else. It is rather how we feel about the person staring back at us in the mirror and how we feel about life…

How do we get to that point when we embrace the randomness of life?

If everything were linear and predictable, we’d come to a halt. There would be no creativity or evolution or growth. To live is to weave constantly between the known and unknown. But for a lot of us, the impulse is to hide from that which we don’t understand or can’t answer. We lose our reverence for mystery, and instead choose fear, avoidance, and denial. It’s easier to shut down and close out the unknown rather than enter it with a conscious awareness that we don’t have the answers.

It is frightening to trust ourselves to be creative, to find answers or resources or people who can help…

…but if we can start to embrace the feeling of wonder, openness, and curiosity we can get comfortable exploring the vastness of the unanswered questions.

Leading life in a meaningful way requires embracing the empty spaces, the blanks and vastness. Living in the gap, we find ourselves and the meaning of life 🙂

Lots have been said by a lot of people over the years about relationships. There are as many opinions about what a good relationship is and what makes it work as there are fishes in the ocean 🙂

One thing they all agree upon is that beginning a relationship is easy – sticking to it and making it work over time takes a lot more effort. The relationship edge…are you on it, in it, or over it?

The edges we are talking about are edges, or levels, past which you will not go: tolerance levels, social levels, philosophical levels, and business levels. If someone tries to go past your edge, your tolerance level, you, in som manner, rebuff or deny them. Maybe even dismiss them.
Your compatibility for and with the other person’s edges, combined with your acceptance of the other person’s edges, will determine how the relationship grows or dies.

There are also ethical edges, like your acceptance level for lying, hiding the truth or abusing the trust you placed in the person. Let’s discuss trust for a second – Trust is not a request. Trust is earned. Trust is not spoken. Trust is a feeling.

And then there are emotional edges – how someone reacts when something goes wrong, or how someone responds to an argument and how you feel about their reaction.

You can tolerate almost anything for a short space of time. But each time someone goes over your edge, you become less and less tolerant, either verbally or silently.

TRUST is THE critical element. It’s the glue that binds all the other elements together. Without it, the relationship will fade, diminish, or die.

So, in order to stay succesful in a relationship, personal or business, to make it possible for a relationship of trust to blossom, you must master the following elements of trust:

* Tell the truth
* Deliver what you promise
* Do what you say you will do
* Communicate in a timely manner
* Bring value beyond what you have to do – help others be more succesful
* Be sincere
* Be appreciative
* Be grateful
* Be consistent
* Give trust to others

Easy? No. But consistently trying, working on mastering the elements of trust and be compatible for and with the other persons’s edges, will determine how succesful you are 🙂

Life is a continued process of transition. For more about how to have the life you want and get the support you need, visit CoachLars.com.

The last couple of posts have dealt with choices – a choice how to live your life, with whom, the feelings you choose to have and the thoughts you decide to have about yourself and others. Always keep in mind though that the choices you make affect others, in a positive OR negative way dependent on the attitudes and values of the people around you – spouse, family, friends, co-workers etc. The best possible way of making sure your choices DO NOT send out negative signals is to Let go of the Past…Letting go is the choice to live life in the present – in a positive way – regardless of anything negative that may have occurred in the past.

*Ask yourself to what extent you believe your life now, is affected in any negative way, from things that happened to you in the past? Almost never, Occasionally, or Frequently – and why?

*Ask yourself if you make a determined effort to move forward, and let past negatives go? And what do you do about any negatives that could still be holding you back?

*Ask yourself if you ever see past problems or failures (by the way, you can not fail as long as you decide not to quit trying…) as adequate reasons why you should not succeed now?

*Ask yourself what one negative from your past, if any, you would most like to get past, and move beyond it?

Then find three creative, positive ways to reward yourself – for making the choice to live in the present, and build an incredible future for yourself AND the people around you who may have been innnocent bystanders and targets of your inability of letting go of the past.

Everyone has a future – choose to plan yours.

Set your goals taking into account your values, attitudes and habits, working with your strenghts to raise the likelihood of you achieving what you set out to achieve. Work with an Emotional Intelligence goal-setting model, engaging your emotional brain as well as your thinking brain.

* Values: understand what is really important about the goal, what will be great about achieving it in the grand scheme of things.
* Attitudes: check that your positive attitudes and beliefs will support and be supported by your values.
* Awareness: be aware of your intentions with the goal you set. Your intention is strongly linked to your values – by knowing what’s important about your goal, why you are working towards it, you can use your strenghts, personal power and flexibility to keep on track.
* Do: consider what behaviour helps you achieve the goal. Positive behaviours will strenghten your positive attitudes and fulfil your personal values.
* Done: give your goal a deadline! It improves the chances of success to know when you’ll be in the new situation.

Goals are vehicles for living your values…Sounds complicated? Maybe so, but when you think about it – isn’t the best day, “Your ideal day”, filled with activities that results in an experience of positive emotions and highs? Yes, of course you say – that’s obvious…but I don’t know what my values are…That’s why we, together, will work on what’s important to you and by doing so we will start finding out what your values are – the Values Staircase asks the question WIATY (What’s Important About…To You) starting with What is important about success to you?

Find out more- visit my CoachLars.com site for a free consultation!

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Lars – Transition & Retirement Coach

Certified Retirement Coach

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