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One week in.
The transition into a New Year can be exhilarating, fearful and sometimes tearful…
Whatever feeling you have entering into a New Year it’s always a transition from the past into a future you know nothing about, but one that may present challenges you can prepare for.
To “have the life you want” it’s a good idea to “get the support you need”. A friend, a spouse, a trusted mentor…or a coach.
For more about my 5-step transition signature program “get ready 4change” visit www.CoachLars.com
Happy New Year!

A helping hand…coaching
When darkness cover the northern hemisphere we become ever so mindful of the light we look for in everything and everyone.
The candles flicker in the windows. The fire sparks inside the warm and cozy place we like to call home. The decorations, making every town an inviting place to gather for residents, visitors and strangers alike.
My book A Mindful Death (www.amindfuldeath.com) is actually the perfect companion on a damp, cold winter day. So snuggle up in your favorite reading chair or sofa with a cup of cocoa or heated red wine (or “glögg” as the locals call it). Visit the wonderful towns of Cold Spring, New York and Perugia, Italy, together with Harry Anderson who uncovers secrets not known to anyone but one person who, now after all these years, tells his story of what happened… and why even death can be mindful and justified…

get ready 4 change with Lars – your Transition Coach
Remember that when we talk about goal setting, your attitudes, values and behavior it’s really about making sure that you stay in line with and are being true to your needs, opinions and perception.The distinction between selfishness and self fullness is that self fullness is being true to your needs, opinions and perception without worrying what others think and understanding an important difference that when we disappoint some people we are actually allowing them to find their own strenght.
For more about having the life you want, and getting the support you need, based on your needs, interest and values, go to www.CoachLars.com for a free consulation and to sign up for my 5-step transition signature program – “get ready 4 change”.

F.E.A.R. – be mindful of your fear.
What brings a human being to the brink of doing things we can’t imagine anyone doing – good or evil? What makes the person cross the line of the impossible?
What’s the fuel feeding the transition…?
The answer may be F.E.A.R. and the words hidden in the acronym.
The emotions we feel and react to…in different ways…depending on the circumstances…always fueled by the level of fear we feel…of showing our emotions…or not. FYI the words in the acronym FEAR below are Swedish words translated to English in [..]
Förelskelse [Love]; the fear you feel when letting your guard down; displaying vulnerability…instead of “safety”.
Empati [Empathy]; the fear of the uncertainty you feel when showing compassion; easing someone’s pain…with less regard to your own.
Alienation [Alienation]; the fear you feel of being left out; of being lonely, not able to share your love, hate, passion or anxiety.
Reciprok altuism [Reciprocal altruism] or [“Ömsesidig nytta”]; the fear of having to reciprocate one favor with another; be in debt to someone…knowing you’ll never be free…or able to pay back.
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In my fiction book “A Mindful Death”, (visit www.amindfuldeath.com for more and how to purchase a copy) the characters’ actions and the life they live, are fueled by F.E.A.R.
The “heroes and heroines” focus on the fuel that renew, rather than the fear that suffocate, felt by the “villains”.
The plot sees a long lost love romantically rekindled when the lovers determine to let their guards down; allow vulnerability into their relationship; letting their feelings, rather than logic, guide them.
Some of the characters display empathy, and then, others do not out of fear for retribution; the battle between good and evil…and the choices made by us which side to choose.
The alienation felt…and lived; secrets kept…never to be shared; the feeling of being left alone with one’s thoughts, conscience; not knowing…or understanding…if they are morally right… or wrong.
Bound by reciprocal altruism – not ever being allowed to stop reciprocating; indebted…for life.
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A Mindful Death is of course a fiction book but the F.E.A.R. is real. Just like in our own daily lives we have choices to make how we want F.E.A.R. to influence our way of living…
The choice for us to make, and be mindful of, is to:
- acknowledge and manage our fear; to understand how fear fuel our feelings, thoughts, actions, and choices we make in life.
- show vulnerability; let our guards down…to embrace love.
- allow our emotions and impulses guide us…to show empathy.
- reach out for help and support…to dread alienation.
- help someone, expect nothing in return…to say no to reciprocal altruism.
Fear not. LIVE…because Life is beautiful.
The word coaching is indeed widely used – from management support services, to a wellness coach in our fitness club. For clarity, let me explain what I mean by coaching.
For a moment, think about the arts and crafts of frame making…framing a picture in such a way that it can unfold its full expressivity is an art that few people have mastered. Rembrandt was quoted as saying that during his whole career it was more difficult for him to find an appropriate frame than to paint the picture!
Now, think about coaching as framing a piece of art…As a coach we create a frame (of thought) for the individual or team in which his or her goals, solutions, and first steps can shine. The frame constructed by the coach consists of goal-oriented questions, reinforcing feedback. present listening, and useful summary.
It is the task of coaching to ensure that the individual or team receive the appropriate frame. But just like the frame maker, the coach would never start actively creating the picture.
ThinkLARS – Life stress relieving Awareness and Resources for your Success
Being Focused on the Solution of a situation rather than the cause – the problem – is the driving force behind SF coaching.
The idea being that it’s more useful to focus attention on building solutions for problems than on analyzing causes of problems, trusting that any person is competent to solve his or her own problems, but may need help finding solutions that fit his or her unique circumstances; individualized solutions that are really owned by the coachee/performer/team.
- Problem talk is negative, solution talk is positive and future focused.
- The future is both created and negotiable. People are not locked into a set of behaviors based on history and problems of the past.
- If it isn’t broken, don’t fix it. If it works, do more of it.
- The solution is not necessarily related to the problem. Talking about and acting upon what will be different is the focus, not uncovering why the problem occurred.
- No problem happens all the time; there are always exceptions that can be utilized. These exceptions can be used to create the solution.
- Small steps can lead to big changes. Being solution focused means using a series of small manageable steps to build the path to a Solution.
- Again, problem talk is negative, solution talk is positive and future focused.
ThinkLARS – Life stress relieving Awareness and Resources for your Success!
Mindfulness is awareness of, and an alert observing of your thoughts, emotions, body sensations, desires, memories, images, personality dynamics, attitudes, motivation, behavior, etc.
When you are mindful of something, you are observing it, not caught up in it and not identified with it. With people, you become more settled into being fully there with them, more peacefully relaxed in awareness of them and you and what’s happening, less identified with pleasant or unpleasant reactions that arise, less caught up in the past or future or sense of needing to make something happen. We can feel it immediately when someone else is mindfully present with us; similarly, others can feel it when you are that way yourself.
ThinkLARS – Life stress relieving Awareness and Resources for your Success!