DailyOM – The Train as Metaphor

DailyOM – The Train as Metaphor
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What is Mindful Solution-Focused Coaching?

Imagine your encounter a problem.

Imagine you are equipped with a flashlight.

Awareness (mindfulness) is a bit like the flashlight. Whatever you direct the beam towards becomes visible in the dark. Oftentime you direct its beam toward the problem you encounter – and all the rest is in darkness.

What’s important is to widen the beam of your flashlight. By doing so, coaching may shed light on new and useful areas of you, facets and details become visible that previously had been in the dark. The focus of your awareness (mindfulness) widens. You are able to perceive other parts of your reality, re-describe how you in the past dealt with a similar situation and thus generate more options.

You have become more Mindful about your actions, observing without being caught up in it, and by not identifying with your actions you have set the stage for re-describing your problem, and focusing in on a solution – you have become aware of your expanded choices, you are now Focused on a Solution.

One very central effect of Coaching, and the Transition Coaching I do, consists of your increased self-confidence in your own ability, and trust, to master a difficult situation. Confidence is a prerequisite for taking small steps for change. The coaching creates a framework in which you, my client, become aware of your competencies and resources and are able to access them – you become aware of the competencies you previously used to master situations that were as difficult as the one at hand, re-describe, re-discover, and if you trust in yourself, you will be able to try something new and different to reach your goals (and a solution to your problem).

This is what Mindful Solution-Focused Coaching is, and that’s my approach in my Transition Coaching service I offer.

Get Ready 4 Change. Have the Life you want! Get the support you need.

Visit CoachLars.com for more.

What is Coaching?

The word coaching is indeed widely used – from management support services to the fitness trainer in a health club. For clarity, this is my definition of coaching.

For a second, think about the arts and crafts of frame making. Framing a picture in such a way that it can unfold its full expresssivity is an art that few people have mastered. Rembrandt was quoted as saying that during his whole career it was more difficult for him to find an appropriate frame than to paint the picture!

Now, think about coaching as framing a piece of art…As a coach we create a frame (of thought) for the individual or team in which his or her goals, solutions, and first steps can shine. The frame constructed by the coach consists of goal-oriented questions, reinforcing feedback, present listening, and useful summary.

It is the task of coaching to ensure that the individual or team receive the appropriate frame. But just like the frame maker, the coach would never start actively creating the picture…

Feel the FEAR…& do it anyway.

 

Everybody feels fear when dealing with something totally new in life, yet many people are out there ‘doing it’ anyway.

This must mean that fear is not the problem.

It’s how we deal with fear. How we hold the fear.

For some, they hold their fear from a place of power (their fear gives them choice, energy, and action. For others, it creates a state of shut down and they hold their fear from a place of pain (their fear makes them feel helpless, depressed, and stuck).

The cure for our fear lies in saying ‘yes’.

The phrase ‘say yes’ means ‘to agree to’ those things that Life hands to us.

Saying yes means not struggling against, but letting in the opportunities of seeing the World in new ways. On the other hand, saying no means to be a victim. ‘How could this happen to me!’

Saying no means to block, to fight, to struggle against opportunities for growth and challenge. Saying no creates tension, tiredness, wasted energy, upset feelings, – or, worse, it creates a lack of caring.

Say yes to Life. Join in. Move. Act. Write. Read. Stand up. Take a stand. Or do whatever works for you. Get involved in the process.

Become what you want to attract.

Be the kind of person you want to surround yourself with.

Be the change you want to see in others…

…and embrace FEAR in the process.

Our Fear…to “fail” Life.

Are we prisoners of our own expectations?

Are we so occupied by adding new “things” in our lives, lose weight, improve our self, strenghten our relationships, find a new partner, become “succesful”, make more money, spend more money…that we lose sight of what really matters?

Or do we chose to be in the moment and to deal with each transition/change as it happens,  without feeling we have to be acknowledged by anyone for what we have, but rather for who we are?

To look inside…do soul searching…rather than focusing our efforts on “improving” our outside – looks, things, “status” measured in money and what others see and thinks.

Isn’t it how we act, what we do for ourselves AND others, that should determine our success? So look inward – do soul searching. Be in the moment. Be mindful. And stop fearing you will “fail” life. Fear not. LIVE!

There’s an angel in my room,

She lives in my head.

She keeps my calm

And she whispers to me everything I say.

There’s another me inside my head and

she has the most beautiful soul.

She is love and hope,

and she tells me

how much I care.

 

 

A New Year…

One week in.

The transition into a New Year can be exhilarating, fearful and sometimes tearful…

Whatever feeling you have entering into a New Year it’s always a transition from the past into a future you know nothing about, but one that may present challenges you can prepare for.

To “have the life you want” it’s a good idea to “get the support you need”. A friend, a spouse, a trusted mentor…or a coach.

For more about my 5-step transition signature program “get ready 4change” visit www.CoachLars.com

Happy New Year!

A helping hand…coaching

A Mindful Death

When darkness cover the northern hemisphere we become ever so mindful of the light we look for in everything and everyone.

The candles flicker in the windows. The fire sparks inside the warm and cozy place we like to call home. The decorations, making every town an inviting place to gather for residents, visitors and strangers alike.

My book A Mindful Death (www.amindfuldeath.com) is actually the perfect companion on a damp, cold winter day. So snuggle up in your favorite reading chair or sofa with a cup of cocoa or heated red wine (or “glögg” as the locals call it). Visit the wonderful towns of Cold Spring, New York and Perugia, Italy, together with Harry Anderson who uncovers secrets not known to anyone but one person who, now after all these years, tells his story of what happened… and why even death can be mindful and justified…

Selfishness…or self fullness?

get ready 4 change with Lars – your Transition Coach

Remember that when we talk about goal setting, your attitudes, values and behavior it’s really about making sure that you stay in line with and are being true to your needs, opinions and perception.The distinction between selfishness and self fullness is that self fullness is being true to your needs, opinions and perception without worrying what others think and understanding an important difference that when we disappoint some people we are actually allowing them to find their own strenght.

For more about having the life you want, and getting the support you need, based on your needs, interest and values, go to www.CoachLars.com for a free consulation and to sign up for my 5-step transition signature program – “get ready 4 change”.

F.E.A.R. – be mindful of it.

F.E.A.R. – be mindful of your fear.

What brings a human being to the brink of doing things we can’t imagine anyone doing – good or evil? What makes the person cross the line of the impossible?

What’s the fuel feeding the transition…?

The answer may be F.E.A.R. and the words hidden in the acronym.

The emotions we feel and react to…in different ways…depending on the circumstances…always fueled by the level of fear we feel…of showing our emotions…or not. FYI the words in the acronym FEAR below are Swedish words translated to English in [..]

Förelskelse [Love]; the fear you feel when letting your guard down; displaying vulnerability…instead of “safety”.
Empati [Empathy]; the fear of the uncertainty you feel when showing compassion; easing someone’s pain…with less regard to your own.
Alienation [Alienation]; the fear you feel of being left out; of being lonely, not able to share your love, hate, passion or anxiety.
Reciprok altuism [Reciprocal altruism] or [“Ömsesidig nytta”]; the fear of having to reciprocate one favor with another; be in debt to someone…knowing you’ll never be free…or able to pay back.
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In my fiction book “A Mindful Death”, (visit www.amindfuldeath.com for more and how to purchase a copy) the characters’ actions and the life they live, are fueled by F.E.A.R.

The “heroes and heroines” focus on the fuel that renew, rather than the fear that suffocate, felt by the “villains”.

The plot sees a long lost love romantically rekindled when the lovers determine to let their guards down; allow vulnerability into their relationship; letting their feelings, rather than logic, guide them.

Some of the characters display empathy, and then, others do not out of fear for retribution; the battle between good and evil…and the choices made by us which side to choose.

The alienation felt…and lived; secrets kept…never to be shared; the feeling of being left alone with one’s thoughts, conscience; not knowing…or understanding…if they are morally right… or wrong.

Bound by reciprocal altruism – not ever being allowed to stop reciprocating; indebted…for life.

________________________

 

A Mindful Death is of course a fiction book but the F.E.A.R. is real. Just like in our own daily lives we have choices to make how we want F.E.A.R. to influence our way of living…

The choice for us to make, and be mindful of, is to:

• acknowledge and manage our fear; to understand how fear fuel our feelings, thoughts, actions, and choices we make in life.
• show vulnerability; let our guards down…to embrace love.
• allow our emotions and impulses guide us…to show empathy.
• reach out for help and support…to dread alienation.
• help someone, expect nothing in return…to say no to reciprocal altruism.

​Fear not. LIVE…because Life is beautiful.

Life lessons learned from transitioning…

What does life transition mean and what would better managing them entail?

Let’s take a pivotal period in life – transitioning into retirement or semi-retirement. One of the things to look at, as in any transition, is the help needed to build resilience and skills in an individual facing this life changing transition.

Planning, preparing and preventing are three key words that first come to mind, and with a help of a coach you can enter into this new phase of your life confident and with more ease.

During any transition you hit barriers, road blocks, that have prevented you to succeed in the past. One is a behavioral barrier – the way we relate to others. Loneliness, for example, which so significantly impacts health later in life, is one important barrier you may face. Without the support of a partner, peers, family, friend, neighbors, an individual might find it considerably harder to face significant life changes.
On the other hand, reduced independence might prove detrimental because it can diminish the individual’s sense of control of his or her own destiny.

Attitudes also play a pivotal role in any transition. How we choose to enter into a transition. To capitalize on the lessons learnt from their own past experiences (or other’s) the individual is given a platform from where to better prepare for future difficult transitions. The challenge is that it may not be obvious how to do this and guidance from a coach could prove pivotal to the success of the change…to de-traumatize the transition.

Instead of fearing change, embrace it and instigate a change in perception from one of loss and hopelessness,  to one focused on assets that builds resilience.

Other barriers are related to family and social networks, and how to best “intervene” to put you back on track on your journey – your transition – into retirement.

These are a just a few of the challenges/barriers you’ll face in a transition but they give you an idea of what to expect if you choose not to plan, prepare and prevent. i.e. entering into the transition kind of blindfolded.

If you like to get help with a transition like this or any other transition you are facing in life, please get in touch with me to discuss how I can be of help – www.CoachLars.com